Joke (on Kansas) of the Week

Cowboys will pursue Kansas Self with $4M salary, $6M bonus

According to numerous media reports, Oklahoma State is prepared to offer Kansas coach Bill Self, win or lose tonight, a salary of $4 million a year, plus a $6 million signing bonus. That would not only nearly triple the $1.375 million he makes at Kansas but would fly past the $3.5 million paid the current highest-paid coach, Florida's Billy Donovan.

The impetus behind it is T. Boone Pickens, Oklahoma State's $3 billion "booster." Pickens wants an Oklahoma State man to coach Oklahoma State. Self played at Oklahoma State from 1982-85, assisted Leonard Hamilton and Eddie Sutton at OSU for seven years and was raised in the Oklahoma City suburb of Edmond. His father, Bill Sr., was director of Oklahoma's state high school activities association.

When Sean Sutton's resignation surfaced, Self tried hard to curb the rumors, saying: "If they were to ask me what they should do, I would suggest they go a different direction."

But his attorney, Stuart Campbell, told the Tulsa World on Friday, "I am completely in wait-and-see mode. I never say never. They would have to be eye-popping numbers."

Source: Denver Post

It Was a Very Good Year

So yesterday was a pretty good day. I got married on April 7 one year ago. It was a pretty low key anniversary, but it was still special. There are these candle things that Lilith the Lioness gave us, and we got to burn the "one year anniversary candles."

We had a great first year including some good travel to Napa, Denver, and Vegas... not to mention we moved to Utah. Here are some highlights.

This is our first picture as a married couple (besides the money pit that is professional wedding photos). We went to the bar with some friends to hang out since it was the last time we would see any of them for a year or so. Yes... I look stoned. No Mom... I am not stoned. Yes Mom... I did marry way out of my league.


We got some great seats to the A's on the honeymoon, and a few weeks later we flew to Denver to catch a game and eat at Uno's. That hot dog on the left there... you see it? Pure shit.











This one is at the August Briggs vineyard in Napa Valley. I could be wrong, but I think it is the first one we visited while we were there.




Another honeymoon picture. This was some type of "look out point" with those ridiculous view finders that last 15 seconds. Ask Brandi about Alcatraz when you get the chance.



Brandi took me to Vegas for my birthday and she actually won about $300...



... and she spent it all on this drink!



This is our first Christmas together. You can tell because of those small lights just over her shoulder... it really should be obvious people.


So like I said, it was a pretty good year. Hell, it was a great year. I'm looking forward to many more just like it. I love you Brandi.

(Oh yeah, we have at least 3 huge blow up fights a week. I couldn't find any pictures of those.)

Joke of the Week: In Honor of Opening Week

On a tour of Florida, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the Popemobile when there was a frantic commotion just off shore. A helpless man, wearing a Boston Red Sox jersey, was struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 25-foot shark.

As the Pope watched, horrified, a speedboat came racing up with three men wearing New York Yankees jerseys aboard. One quickly fired a harpoon into the shark's side. The other two reached out and pulled the bleeding, semi-conscious Red Sox fan from the water. Then using autographed Derek Jeter baseball bats, the three Bronx heroes beat the shark to death and hauled it into the boat.


Immediately the Pope shouted and summoned them to the beach. "I give you my blessing for your brave actions," he told them. "I heard that there was some bitter hatred between Red Sox and Yankee fans, but now I have seen with my own eyes that this is not the truth."

As the Pope drove off, the harpooner asked his buddies, "Who was that?"

"It was the Pope," one replied. "He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom."

"Well," the harpooner said, "he may have access to God's wisdom, but he doesn't know shit about shark fishing…how's the bait holding up?"

And Finally Some Good News

I wanted Bill Self for the job a few years ago, but Roy Williams got called home to Chapel Hill. My wife says "we hired the wrong son". I am inclined to agree. Even though it is not the biggest or best program in the country (or even the BIG XII), Oklahoma State Basketball is not a program to be inherited or handed down like some fucking rag doll. All that bullshit about "Sean has been doing the coaching for years and Eddie has just been the face of the program." Are you kidding me? It appears that I was right not to trust that vile and poisonous propaganda.

In his two years as "official" head coach, he barely broke .500 and lost in the first round of the NIT... twice. I have been fuming from afar in the mountains about this... silently, waiting to plot my revenge on the boosters, the AD, the Head of Operations, the President of the university. I had to get rid of Sean Sutton.

BUT WAIT!!! GOOD NEWS!!!

That pezzo di merda has been removed from our sight roughly 8 years before I thought he would be. In a small town like Stillwater, a name carries a lot of weight. I was truly afraid that he would rest on his father's laurels for a decade before someone finally grew a brain and got a real coach.

Now that he is out, who is in? I, for one, would like to pursue Self a little bit more, but he is a Final Four coach now, so don't spin the wheels. Do we go for the other son Scott? How about Sean Miller from Xavier? Thoughts people. And I mean you Deuce... and you CP.

6-4-3

Every year I try to pick a team. This isn't about winning or losing. Hell, they could come in last place and I wouldn't care. The point isn't bragging rights or having the ability to say "I was rooting for them at the beginning of the year." There really isn't a system of selection or method to the madness.

Take the Rockies for example. Last year, I started rooting for the Rockies because I went to Coors Field with my wife in April. I also have a (very very light... as in fraternity parties light... as in I don't really know him I'm just trying to drop a name light) personal acquaintance with Matt Holliday. So last year I used the Rockies as my healing salve, but it had nothing to do with them winning virtually every game from September 1 to the end of the year. It had nothing to do with them making it to The Series against all odds. It had nothing to do with any of that. There are two reasons (one big, and one VERY big) that I try to pick a team that will have my support from April to October.

Reason the 1st (the big one): It is easy as a fan of baseball to get caught up in "your" team every year and forget about the other 29 teams. The problem here is October. If for some reason "your" team doesn't make it, you could care less about the playoffs or the Fall Classic. That is just not right. It isn't fair to your fanhood.

Embracing secondary teams every year will eventually lead to a fuller, more appreciative knowledge of the sport as a whole. Will you really give a shit if this year's Classic is Diamondbacks vs. White Sox? Neither will I, because I know virtually nothing about those two teams. Hence the need for a fuller, more appreciative knowledge of the sport as a whole.

Reason the 2nd (the VERY big one): Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum... err... Dumb and Dumber... err... Aids and Cancer... err... Cashman and Steinbrenner.

Now I'm one of the most pure family based Yankees fans around, but those two names give me agita every time I hear them. There has been no end to my frustration of their moves since about 1999. How much money have they wasted? Names like Kevin Brown, Carl Pavano, Randy Johnson, and more recently Roger Clemens (pro-rated $28 million for 6 wins) make me want to shoot someone. What happened to Paulie and Tino, Brocious and Bernie?

These two mezzofinooks have destroyed a very proud franchise for almost a decade by signing over the hill, ex all-stars and overpaying them to be past their prime. There have been four guys you can depend on. Jeter, Rivera, Posada, and Torre (whom they fired at the end of last season). It has gotten so bad that I am dreading the prospects of them actually signing Bonds.

And by the way, I can't believe I'm getting ready to say this, but I wish George was still healthy. Hank Steinbrenner is a son of a bitch... not to mention a little oobatz.

I will say this though...

Not too long ago, I realized that my eyes were blinded by the veil that was the firing of Joe Torre. Once I stopped seeing red, I noticed that the front office was actually starting to give me what I have wanted for so long: youth. Joba, Hughes, Kennedy, and Cano... not to mention the new Skip, Joe Girardi. These guys have given me a boost of belief that Dildo and Fuckface are actually planning for the future.

But I digress. Back to Reason the 2nd (the very big one). I gotta have a distraction from the frustrations of being a fan of the Yankees.



So I ask. Who will it be? What team will be my distraction, my salvation? And I answer:

Thats right! The San Francisco Giants will be the other white meat this year. "But why?" you ask. "Why that team Ab? Surely you would root for the Dodgers since Torre went there."

You are right for raising such queries. I have even asked myself the same questions. Though I do not feel the need to justify my selection, I will boil it down to 1 word: respect. Read this article and then come back.

Pretty impressive right? That team is so ready to move on from the Bonds freakshow that they are scrubbing the walls and revamping the whole thing. Did you see that part about a plaque to commemorate his accomplishment? I once received one of those for "employee of the week" at Tony Roma's. Any team that is willing to remove itself from its only means of popularity in order to start fresh and rebuild gets my interest. There is a lot of hope there, and I intend to follow it.

Joke of the Week

Three women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways.

The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the night before. The first girl claims that she was the drunkest, saying, “I drove straight home and
walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks.”

The second said, “You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don’t even have insurance!”

The third proclaimed, “Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!”

The room was silent for a moment. Then, the first girl spoke out again, “Listen girls, I don’t think you understand. Chunks is my dog.”

Market Wrap- Week 12

THE TAPE:

UP

THE STORY:

This has been a week of "firsts" as recent history is concerned. It was the first week that the broad markets have shown a meaningful gain. It was also the first weekend in quite a while where my wife and I had consecutive days alone, so my enthusiasm to post has waned. I will most likely make up for it later this week.

In short, anything could happen this week. Credit ratings companies has reversed their opinions that the outlook for the financial sector is positive. That said, it looks like we are putting in higher lows and higher highs in quite a few of the sectors which tells us that there is a bottom coming in those areas. Commodities and metals are falling off (hope you took profits in gold). Talk to you soon.

Joke of the Week

On his last day on the job, a mailman is greeted by a young housewife who invites him in for breakfast. After the feast she leads him to the bedroom for an extensive sexual romp. Afterward she gives him two dollars.

“Jeez,” says the mailman, “this is great, but what’s with the two dollars?”

“Well,” she replies, “since you’re retiring, I asked my husband what we should do for you. He said, ‘Fuck him—give him a couple of bucks.’ Breakfast was my idea.”

From the Library... "Confessions" Pt. 1

This most recent read came by way of the great BSC. Now this type of book is not my usual brand of vodka, but Doodah approached me during a veritable perfect storm. The title in question is Confessions of an Economic Hit Man by John Perkins. The reasons are too many to enumerate why I wouldn't usually read a book of this nature. However, the perfect storm came in the form of a History Channel show about secret societies followed by quite a conversation based on conspiracy theories. The book was introduced to me the next day.



Without going to deep in detail, I will give you the "reader response options":

1. You believe the things in this book, and are disturbed if not a little nauseous.
2. You do not believe the things in this book, and curse it as inflammatory and anti-American.
3. You have no opinion because you don't understand it.
4. You have no opinion because you don't care.

Regardless of any feelings one may have regarding the ideas in this book, you are guaranteed to take part in some great conversations with other people who have read the book or are interested in it.

As for myself, I am inclined to believe many of the things in this book in conjunction with other books, shows, and personal observations. So that this post does not take too much of my dear readers' time, I will cut it short here and be back another day with more intricate thoughts.

Happy St. Patty's Day!

Here at The Pub we would like to wish everyone a very happy St. Patrick's Day. Also we would like to encourage everyone to be safe as they indulge in some of the finest vices this world has to offer. The official Pub itinerary for this year's celebration will be as follows:

1) Green Beer
2) Irish Car Bomb
3) Irish Whiskey
4) Rinse and Repeat